“Now rub your golden pussy! Feel the energy flow towards your yoni!”
These words were nearly drowned out by the sounds of women who sounded like they were orgasming right next to me, all while I touched myself and tried to achieve half their level of pleasure (to no avail). Some were lying all the way on the ground, backs arched, toes curled, breath heavy–but fully clothed and without a partner in sight.
I’m sure you’re just dying for the context at this point, of which I’ll indulge you before we get into the nitty-gritty details.
The setting was a sacred touch “taster” evening–an initial foray into the world of sexual self-massage and stimulation (in the hopes of sexual healing and fulfillment). I had no clue what I was getting myself into prior to the mini workshop. All I knew was that there would be snacks, entry was free, and my friends would join me if I went. So I ventured in, on a Friday night, to a room laden with fluffy rugs and blankets, lit only by candlelight, adorned with charms and pillows and the smiling faces of our guides for the night.
These women were people who had dealt with abuse and self-loathing in their pasts. They had spent many years being sexually, romantically, or emotionally unfulfilled. And they swore by erotic touch as a means of healing their wounds.
The concept itself is nothing new–methods of tantric massage, energy/bodywork, and even casual partner play in the pursuit of self-exploration have been around for ages. But the event I attended was different in that it didn’t have the inherently sexual nature that many similar practices seem to. Instead, the course was about connecting to your body and determining what makes it tick, feel good, feel anything.
That may mean rubbing one out under the covers, but it surely doesn’t have to. Maybe you get off by caressing your thigh; maybe arousal or stimulation or release aren’t even the end result. People turn to erotic touch for many reasons–some to heal past trauma, some to reconnect with and tune into their bodies, and some for mental or physical or spiritual wellbeing. A lot depends on your desires and beliefs.
I had to keep reminding myself of this during the evening, as guests all around me seemed to be experiencing a much more intense reaction to their own stimulation than I was. While they were in what could only be described as a state of utter bliss, I was anxious and doubtful. “Was I doing it right? Was it all a placebo effect? Was there something wrong with me if I couldn’t or didn’t want to conjure the same reaction as everyone else?”
But the inability to experience intense sexual sensation is not rare–especially for women. And all hope is not lost–a study from the Journal of Sexual Medicine argued that some women decreased their sexual dysfunction simply by talking about the issue to a healthcare provider (no treatment required). Addressing the concern is the first step, and yet it is something that women are taught not to do (because unfortunately, in many societies, men’s sexual needs are prioritized above anyone else’s).
But I also recognize the fact that each person experiences touch and intimacy and stimulation differently, and that any variability in this area will not be flattened out overnight (or perhaps ever).
As my evening continued on, I got into my groove a bit and realized that sometimes the simplest of sentiments (a hand on the stomach, another on the chest) can be the most impactful–but that’s speaking for myself only.
That being said, others require full vaginal contact by a paid professional to fully heal (or so they say). That’s right, tantric massage practitioners are trained to essentially give you a hands-on, below-belt session. Not with the intention of getting you off, per se, but to allow you to engage with your sexuality in a healthy way, release tension and inhibitions, and ultimately invoke wellbeing.
Because those who believe in the power of tantric touch see it as a connection to the chakras, they also believe that it has immense power–to release pain, emotion, and potentially even cloudiness that’s keeping us from reaching a higher state of consciousness.
Now, I won’t tell you that I left my healing touch taster night feeling any more enlightened than when I started. In fact, I sort of just left feeling silly and happy that I didn’t spend any money on the session. But I have spoken with other attendees who felt that what they took away from the evening was worth hundreds.
I’ve known people who get regular “yoni” massages and swear by them. Perhaps all I need is more time to tap in and get to know myself and my wants. To be present and remember how to feel good again and to grant myself patience along the way.
If you have tried any similar practice, we would love to hear your stories! Please share below.
Also by Quincy: Here’s How “Creative Sex” Will Obliterate You (In The Best Way Possible)
Related: Ethical Sex: 4 Ways to Reclaim Your Power
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