The past is a compilation of memories and events, a chapter of our life’s story. Even if we don’t recognize it, the past has shaped who we are. Every relationship, friendship, or an era within our life has a fate and will leave an everlasting imprint. It’s how we choose to handle the fate that truly defines us. Admittedly, this has been one of my biggest struggles.
I have been trapped in this vicious cycle of the past, holding on to the memories and pain. Like a movie reel, I can see the ill-fated moments replaying in my head. I like to think I am protecting my heart and myself by keeping the memories fresh–to remind myself to never let the same mistakes happen again. Yet, I’m actually damaging any real chance of setting myself free. By keeping these memories fresh, I am unable to heal. Due to these emotional ties, I’m keeping myself connected to a person that is not meant to be in my life anymore. They didn’t serve me then, and they sure as hell aren’t serving me now.
This secret has been buried away within me for a while. It’s a truth I haven’t been able to fully admit. It’s hard to admit someone has had such a profound effect in your life, causing pain in the past and still years later. I know I’ve had trouble healing, which in return, has kept me trapped and has completely damaged my view on relationships and trust. This is not new to me. However, there comes a time when enough is enough, and the universe will do everything in its power to release you of the past.
The moment finally came when I had a complete stranger look me in the eyes and recognize a part of me I wasn’t willing to acknowledge. I was sitting face to face with a local Balinese spiritual healer a few months ago when she began to tear away every ounce of armor I wore, awakening every truth I’ve had hidden away. It was jarring, it was terrifying, it was everything that I needed to hear.
As this wasn’t my first time with a spiritual healer, I wasn’t quite expecting such a raw introduction. Within the first minute she dove into the histories of my past relationships and my negative connections to them. She explained how I’m like a shell of my former self, appearing fine on the outside but shattered on the inside. More surprisingly, due to my negative attachment, I am leaking energy. Through this energy leakage I am constantly feeling tired, unsettled, and unfilled. This was all extremely profound and true.
The spiritual healer explained that the body is made up of energies including auras and chakras. The energy body can be disrupted due to several factors, depending on the chakra. For me, my heart chakra, the energy force for joy, love, happiness, and compassion was leaking some kind of bad. Leaking energy occurs when we are giving our energy and self to the past and not to the present. Although positive energy may be steadily flowing in, it will continue to leak if the rupture is not healed. If left unhealed, the body and mind will continue to suffer, feeling depleted and broken.
The art of healing the heart chakra begins from within, healing old wounds by learning acceptance and self-love. Given this new information, the spiritual healer then guided me through some simple self-healing techniques using visualization, crystals, and positive affirmations. She instructed that I hold a rose quartz stone as it’s a stone that releases unexpressed emotions, soothes internalized pain, and helps calm the heart. Additionally, rose quartz promotes unconditional love and helps open the heart; ultimately, the aim of balancing the heart chakra is to learn unconditional love. With the rose quartz held tightly in my hands to my heart, I was told to close my eyes and visualize a ball of green light in my hand. In the visualization I would then give myself the glowing light as I chant this mantra:
My heart is filled with Divine love and compassion. I am balanced, sending and receiving love. I release everything from the past that is not for the greater good. I am love.
Since my second session with a spiritual healer, I have gained a higher understanding of myself. The biggest lesson I have learned from this experience is that it’s time to stop pretending we’re okay when we’re not. We don’t have to be held prisoner by our emotional connections to the past. It’s critical to recognize these feelings and let go. These ties are emotionally and physically damaging and preventing us from moving on to healthier relationships. Instead of festering over the past, forgive those that have hurt you and practice acceptance. Simply, let go of the ego and the pain, and make peace with the past.
Also by Jess: Yoga for Self-Love and Empowerment
Related: Love: How to Survive Heartbreak
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Photos: Alexander Lam & Yaoki LAI via Unsplash