We as humans have a tendency to want to be in control–of our lives, of the people in them, and of what happens to us and the situations in which we find ourselves. Control in and of itself stems from a fear of or resistance to something. We are so opposed to one particular scenario that we actively try to manipulate the situation in our favor. This never benefits us because we are essentially distrusting the universe to provide for us in the way that we need.
Initially, with clever tactics and persistence, we may succeed in gaining control over that thing we feel we need to change, and for a while, it may even feel good. That is, until the universe swoops in and throws a wrench in the works, rendering you face-to-face with that very thing you didn’t want to occur. What you resist persists.
So why are we prone to striving to constantly resist things? From where does it all stem? Let’s take just one scenario here; I’ll use myself as an example. I moved into a beautiful apartment with my boyfriend about 6 months ago. It’s in a great part of the city, close enough to everything important but still having nature within easy reach. The space is light and airy and with the potential to be a total show-home. I was counting down the days to move in all last year. I couldn’t wait to finally have the perfect place to call our home. But then I moved in and was faced with two thoughts that stopped me in my tracks:
1. The place is a rental, so although I can embellish it appropriately, will it ever really feel like home? Is caring about it a waste of time in the long run?
2. If I make myself comfortable, doesn’t that mean I’ll be stuck in a boring life, going in the opposite direction of travel and adventure – two of my key desires?
The result was that I developed a total resistance to creating the kind of home that I truly wanted. I had a fear that investing in it would a) be a waste of time if eventually I knew I’d have to move and b) be a waste of resources because surely I’d rather spend my money on travel, right?
I would come home from work seeing the potential of the place yet bask in a half-done job. For months, things remained unpacked, pictures leaned up against the walls rather than hanging on them, there were piles of things that didn’t have a home, and honestly, living amongst all that was unsettling–as you might expect.
For some reason, I associated making a home with a dull life. I associated creating a cozy space with giving up on adventure. I felt like I couldn’t have both things. And I didn’t know why, because whenever I envisioned my ideal life, it involved having an incredible home tailored to my taste and functional to my lifestyle with traveling thrown in the mix. I then realized that there was something deeper going on; I was resisting where I was in life, with my head in the clouds looking for greener grass somewhere else on the horizon.
One day, an amazing thing happened. I had a realization that this was it. This was my life, and I was letting it pass me by without really making the most of it. I had an opportunity to make a home; the universe had gifted us with an incredible place to do so, and I was rejecting it. How rude of me! If this is all I’m ever going to get, surely it’s best to make the most of it rather than live my days half-heartedly? And more than that, if I–like any person–am my most creative and doing my best work when I’m happy, why wasn’t I making beautiful surroundings a priority? It felt like I was living in the Arctic in winter and resisting the darkness.
So I simply stopped resisting. I put my arms up to the ceiling and said, “Fine! You want us to live in this space, then we’ll live in it!” and much to my partner’s surprise, I told him I had made a new commitment to creating a space I actually wanted to be in. Who says we couldn’t still have our adventures? Ironically (or perhaps not), since I’ve made this commitment, I now have travel plans coming up each month from now until the autumn. That tells you something, doesn’t it?
When we resist certain aspects of ourselves or our lives, we are building an impenetrable door that blocks out our biggest desires. If we simply surrender to what is happening right now and accept that it needs to happen in order to get us to those things we think we want, we are then hopping back on the train and getting one step closer.
Accepting the universe’s plan for you is not the same thing as giving up on your dreams. In fact, it’s the opposite really; it’s having total faith that whatever is occurring in the present is part of a bigger plan for you. Resisting your situation is essentially you putting out the message that you know best. The truth is that none of us know what’s in store for us, and we must simply trust that if we’re looking after ourselves and being the best version of ourselves that we can be, that everything that is happening is happening because it has to and will get us to our dreams.
Try it today: throw your hands up in the air and let go of resistance. Use that energy you’ve been harboring to have fun, look after your body and soul, and bake some cookies instead!
Also by Kat: How to Break Free from Your Life’s Story
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