Breaking up is never easy. No matter the situation letting go and processing the heartache is challenging for most of us. Yet while we can recognize the obviously crucial moments when calling quits is necessary (abuse, cheating, and addiction) sometimes some relationship situations feel so ambiguous that the line between staying together and breaking up is fuzzy. I can think of a few boyfriends with whom I have stayed well past our expiration date because those obvious telltale breakup signs weren’t there and things appeared fine on the surface. Maybe it’s familiarity or a fear of confrontation, but we often choose to ignore or will away these signs you should break up. But recognizing when a romance has run its course and dealing with it is a big aspect for relationship maturity and understanding what you want.
Do you feel like you’re just talking to a wall every time you have a conversation? Next to trust, communication is a key for any healthy and lasting relationship. If you feel like you aren’t getting through to the other person on an issue or problem, or you feel you can’t confide in the other person your true feelings, then sadly there is a major roadblock for your relationship’s progress.
Lack of sex
Regular sex is a sign of healthy and happy relationship and lack of intimacy indicates there’s distance emotionally as well as physically. Of course, it’s normal to go from being unable to keep your hands off each other to gentler, calmer rhythm of things as your relationship progresses. But that doesn’t mean your sex life should suffer from becoming more stable–in fact, it should help things. According to now oft-cited study, women are more likely to orgasm with a steady partner than a casual hookup. So while it’s okay to be having sex less frequently than during your “honeymoon” phase, it’s not okay to feel detached or frustrated when you do get it on. And if you’re not getting it on at all, consider it a Sign.
Fantasizing about others
While finding your local grocery store clerk attractive is okay, when you begin to fantasize about him day in and day out, maybe even dreaming up how good he would be in bed (or even as your own boyfriend!), you might be steering towards trouble. Consistently obsessing over others hints that you’re not fully satisfied in your current relationship.
Whether to each other’s faces or to your friends, name-calling weakens the relationship and your perception of that person. Constantly calling each other hurtful words leaves a scar that doesn’t fade, though your feelings and respect will.
There’s no fun
Newsflash: Dating is supposed to feel like fun, not work. You should want to spend time with that person and relish it. Whether you make each other laugh over the silliest things, or just sitting around cuddling on the couch not saying anything, just being with this person should make you feel happy…say, a combination of elation and relaxation. But if you find yourself mind-numbingly bored on every date and wishing you were somewhere else, then that spark might be out…and this, above all, is something you can’t force.
I once dated a guy who was the complete opposite of me: a straight-edge mechanic with no interest in traveling or being social. I’m a free-spirited environmentalist with a thirst for adventure. While at the time we said how we filled in each other’s holes, all we were really doing was butting heads. On the surface you can seem opposing (like a punk kid dating a preppy ballerina), but if deep down your values aren’t the same—it isn’t meant to be.
Did I miss anything? What are some clear signs that time is up?
Also see: Are You Emotionally Cheating?
Photo Credit: Pixabay user Antranias