We all have something we regret and wish we have done differently. Sometimes this guilt and self-judgment can eat away at us for years. It can be hard to let go of the past and forgive yourself. Self-judgment is one of the main blocks of blessings, abundance, and bliss in our lives. This article is about accepting, healing and moving on from painful memories by opening your heart to the now and all the good things coming.
In any painful situation there are 3 things you can do: change it, escape it, or change your attitude. You can’t change or escape your past. Well, actually you already did escape it. The problem is, are you still stuck in it mentally? Look around you. Are you dealing with the consequences of your past right this moment or only with memories? Luckily, we can choose what we think of, and the following advice will help you realign your energy.
You did your best
You did your best given your knowledge, self-awareness, and mental capabilities of that time. I bet you did not want to hurt anyone or yourself. You definitely tried your best and, apparently, did not succeed. It is normal. As humans, we evolve. We do not expect children to act grown up, then why do we expect the former versions of ourselves to do everything right?
You are the new you. Would you repeat that mistake? Have you done anything like this afterwards? Have you learned your lesson for good? Have you done everything you could to correct that? Then it’s time to forgive.
That older version of you deserves love, compassion, and understanding. It was doing its best and apparently was not able to handle the situation well, dealing with whatever struggles or emotions it was going through. Forgive your past self. They didn’t mean to do you harm. If that older version of you knew how much it would hurt your present self with its actions, it would never have done it! It didn’t mean to do you wrong. Release the blame. Be compassionate to your less stable, less aware, less self-loving and content version of you. Forgive.
Embrace the new you
Understand that the person you see in the mirror has evolved since that situation. You are now wiser, kinder, stronger, more powerful, compassionate, authentic and true to yourself. Now it is time to also become more self-accepting and self-loving. Celebrate your growth and how far you have come, instead of letting guilt consume you.
Without forgiving yourself you simply cannot move on. Your blessings are approaching you regularly and your guilt and self-judgment are rejecting them constantly. The Universe forgave you, and, most likely, others involved in that situation did too. Only you keep yourself locked in the “blame box,” unaware that outside of it there is a whole world which has lots of love and compassion for you, and is only waiting for you to find love and compassion for yourself.
How to heal
Healing trauma rooted in your past and its mistakes happens by going inwards. How to do it? Silence your mind in a setting with no distractions. Go for a walk, sit in a quiet place in nature, or just lie in bed or on your couch. Make this experience more pleasant by dimming the lights, lighting candles, burning incense, cleaning up the space, making yourself cozy. Control your mind from wandering. When the new thought enters, see it out: “hey thought about X, I see you and I will not think you now.” See your thoughts just passing by, do not engage.
When you mind is silent, what needs to come up and what needs to heal will surface. And then just feel it. You don’t need to put this feeling into words, analyze, characterize it. Healing is not analytical, it’s experiential. Feel it, sit with it. I like to do it on my daily walks. Start with observing the things I see, sense, smell, feel and hear. That helps me become present. Not accepting thoughts that try to occupy my mind, I start feeling whatever needs to be felt. Sometimes I have to cry, sometimes just for a few seconds. Feel it, don’t think it.
That is the most powerful technique for whatever you are trying to accomplish. Visualize the best version of yourself that is completely at peace about the past. The most content, magical, self-loving, self-accepting, self-aware you. How does this version of you feel right now? How does this best version of you look at the past and feel about it? Imagine forgiving yourself completely. How does it feel like? Sense this feeling, melt into it. This state of mind will then gradually move into your reality for good. Keep practicing visualization of whichever feeling you would rather be experiencing at this moment. How would you love to feel about yourself? Keep imagining, visualizing, feeling and materializing it, and you will start feeling this way at all times.
Where is your power going?
We spend so much time in the past, when we could be living in the now. Do you charge your now moment or leak your energy into the past? You are a powerful being. Your attention goes where your energy flows. This is the very same energy that materializes miracles and blessings in your life. Are you thinking about the past? Then your energy is going there. The past is not available to you in any way. You deprive your current reality from the energy and power you could be investing into it. Don’t mindlessly invest your power into something that was and is not, something that cannot change your reality for the better.
Power up your reality, put effort into making your life more magical now. What does your heart tell you to do now? Thinking of what and doing what would benefit you now? What thoughts and actions are manifesting your dream life? This is what you should be choosing to think and engage with. Think less, feel more, follow your heart more. You are loved, you are forgiven, you are growing constantly, you are imperfectly perfect, you are amazing.
Sending you lots of love!
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Photo: Aditya Saxena, Amy Treasure, Caroline Veronez