No matter how “good” we are, it’s inevitable that we won’t like or get along with everyone we meet in life. In the best case scenario, we can avoid interacting with people we don’t like. But often, we can’t simply cut them out of our lives, whether that’s a toxic boss or a family member. So how can we maintain the right attitude and handle our reactions when dealing with people we dislike?
1. Mirror effect
Dislike is a strong word. We all have people in our lives that we easily connect with and those whose vibe is somewhat off-putting to us. Important question to ask is: how what I dislike about them is connected to what I feel on the inside. This can be regret, fear, or avoidance. Other people in our lives are always a mirror. The person we have a problem with can be representing something we dislike about ourselves or the opposite—something we aspire to be. They can be reminding us of something within us we wish to forget or reject or fear to become. It can be about jealousy, a hidden desire to have a quality or ability of theirs. Bottom line, it often has to do with our self-love and self-acceptance.
Ideally, when we are fully in alignment, and love and accept ourselves completely, nothing other people say, do, or represent should bother us. Try to dissect where this negative attitude stems from. List those qualities and characteristics of that person and look for similarities in the way you feel about yourself and your life. This person is most likely mirroring something internal that you can address, heal and overcome. They may be teaching you how to love yourself better.
2. Is there anything positive?
If you have no option but to be around this person, a helpful practice is saying to yourself the things you like about them. This lightens your attitude (and vibration) instantly and dissolves some of the negativity you feel. Is it their hair, eyes, focus, determination, confidence, style, smile? It may seem weird to compliment the “enemy,” but this really works. It’s the first step to stopping seeing them as an enemy and recognizing them as their own person dealing with their own struggles and handling it the best way they can.
3. “Blank” perspective
When we hold something against a person, and we see everything they say or do through the prism of this attitude, we expect the worst from them. Just like us, other people are different from day to day and from moment to moment. Maybe they also struggle to understand you and are now reading this article trying to find a way to make peace with you too. It’s important to be objective. In one moment they may be mistreating you, but the next day realize it and try to correct themselves. If we see someone as an enemy we will find evil intentions in every word they say and move they make. That’s a slippery slope. Our mind finds evidence of what we believe, that’s its job. We will then see them attacking us even when they don’t intend to do so.
Approach this person in every situation from a neutral standpoint. At first, assume that they have nothing against you and then observe the situation and react accordingly. People sense our defensive vibration. It can trigger even more tension between you two. Someone will have to break the pattern.
There was a person in my life that I thought was doing everything to hurt me. I was going through a very emotional period and had mistaken this person for a threat. They, however, were able to maintain neutrality in spite of sensing my attitude. With time I started to see what a lovely person they were, and they had my back when I really needed it. This story has taught me so much about how we can project our own inner turbulence onto other people and misplace the blame and hurt.
4. Talk to a photograph
Communication can solve so many problems, but if you struggle to have a conversation with them, there is a way. Talk to them spiritually. I know cases when this practice worked magic and already on the next day allowed people to resolve the issue between them. Light a white (preferably) candle and sit with a photograph of the person you have trouble with. Open up to them, spill it all out and tell them how they make you feel.
Some say this works because you are speaking to their higher self in this way. On a vibrational level, we can communicate with each other telepathically. Every thought and feeling towards another person can be seen as an electrical charge. It travels, it affects your field and can affect their field as well. So speak calmly, frankly and from your heart.
5. Responding to rudeness and disrespect
This is the most tricky one, isn’t it? Especially for sensitive people and empaths like myself. Even strangers throwing out some nasty comments or randomly rude people we come across, these energies will be trying to shake us off balance. So what to do? First of all, do not respond. You cannot beat negativity with negativity, only with positivity or neutrality.
Oftentimes, when we respond to aggression out of feelings of frustration, offense or hurt, we feed it, giving away our personal power. As difficult as it may seem, we should not engage with that. Instead, we should remind ourselves that that person is acting out of their pain and fear. They don’t know how to heal, so they think hurting others will make them feel better. At other times people just react impulsively to their inner turbulence. I believe the key is forgiving them instantly. Forgiveness is such a powerful vibration. A step further is sending them love. This does not mean we accept the behavior, but we neutralize the negative energy with love. Our love doesn’t deplete. When we share it, it multiplies within us.
Lastly, this rudeness can trigger something we need to heal. If it hurts and frustrates us deeply, we should actually be thankful to this person for bringing our attention to something hurting on the inside. Maybe this brings up memories we refuse to make peace with or some fear of ours. Don’t push away the feelings that arise, try to recognize and fully feel them to release them.
For me personally, rationalizing about the situation does not seem to do much. I believe the right approach to dealing with any frustration from communicating with others is vibrational. It is always about choosing love and looking within.
Sending you lots of my undepletable love!
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Photos: Obie Fernandez, Toa Heftiba, Giulia Bertelli via Unsplash